A few days ago, I was watching a video clip, sweet one I must admit, and I realized something as I looked at it. The clip is pretty much the fantasy of a man about a woman, the life he would have with her, and one part stuck me, the part where he holds her so tight, as if she was the world to him. I know it's only acting, or maybe he recorded that with his girlfriend, I don't know. But you can see how much he cares and love that person.
That is when I looked at my past relationships. I only had 3, long term, one being a distance one. But I just realized that only one of the men I dated ever held me, looked at me that way: as if I was the world to him, the fact he loved me with all his might. I remembered with the others and yes, they loved me in a way but not like that.
Now, why did I leave such a man who loved me so much? Main reason? He raped me. But I also didn't love him anymore nor trusted him because of that, and I wanted to follow my dream.
But now I remember what it is to have someone care so much about you, and I don't miss him at all, I am glad I am far away from him, even in another country. However, I do miss one thing: The feeling to be loved with all one's heart.
That is something I used to have...